یک نامه ای به مردم ایران / A letter to the people of Iran

Let's help end "Don't ask, don't tell"...

TAKE ACTION TUESDAY: Tuesday, May 12 - call the White House switchboard at 202-456-1414. Lieutenant Dan Choi is being fired because of his orientation. Lt. Choi acknowledges that he is one of tens of thousands, but we recognize him as a symbol of everything that’s wrong with this policy. A West Point grad, infantry officer, Arabic linguist, and Iraq vet – whose soldiers know he is gay, and support him – is being dismissed. On Tuesday, May 12, call the White House at 202-456-1414.

1st LT Dan Choi in Iraq

Sample Script: I’m calling to tell the president not to fire Lieutenant Dan Choi – and to keep his promise to end "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." I am a [something about you: Iraq vet, gay/straight West Point/Annapolis/AFA grad, concerned citizen, brother/sister/father/mother/son/daughter/friend of a soldier/sailor/airman/marine…etc.] We need all the combat officers, and Arabic linguists, everyone!

Thank you guys! Hope all is well. New posts coming soon!

turbulence

So last night my roommate Beth and I drove to Atlanta to pick up her mom from the airport and I was verily surprised to see snow blanketing the sides of the highway still and lots of it to boot. 

I just finished an interview with A&F and I hope I get the job because I really need the break. I also plan to postpone my university to the fall as I apply to UT Austin. I still plan to do the nursing program and minor in Russian and Slavic Studies. 

As far as church I gave the missionaries my new contact info and still have not heard from anyone. I am not holding my breath but i do plan to visit the gay friendly church which is four miles away just to see what it is like. 

We do have some turbulence ladies and gentlemen. Things with Mitch have stalled completely - in friendship or otherwise. Or so it would seem. He has changed a lot. He went from being really interested in me and wanting to talk with me and see me to showing almost no interest at all. He used to want me to text him now when I do I am lucky to get a reply and he is rather short with me. I have no idea what propelled this change. It was almost overnight. At any rate I am convinced that I have no luck with guys and after this last fiasco I have no desire to date. I have other things to focus on. 

Today I am going to see if I got into the better located and slightly cheaper apartments up the road by Augusta State University or not. If not I want my 240 back. I shall spend the rest of the day studying Russian and German while Beth's mom makes her famous Lasagna. 

I want to get up and off this ottoman but Gizmo the black and white Boston terrier we nicknamed Hitler (long story - but it has something to do with the fact that they both share only one... turn your head to the left and cough) [I hope you got that ;)] won't get off me... Well I hope all is well and I cannot wait to be able to sit down and write a decent blog.

Josh

long time no see!

I have so many blog posts to catch up on! 

I wish to go into some detail but the current situation will not allow for that. The quick breakdown is thus:

I have moved into my own apartment in a building from 1942.

I met an amazing guy named Mitchell. I knew Mitchell from my days at the academy here in Georgia but I never pegged him as gay and still can't. I had a huge crush on him which involved me ogling him in the hallway between classes. 

He is not too far out of an abusive relationship that lasted about two years. We decided to be a couple but as of two days ago we have decided to just take things super slow and tonight we are going on our first date in about a week. I understand he does not want to rush into anything especially since his one and only relationship was such a traumatic one.

Mitchell is such an amazing and intuitive guy. He has this way about him that I cannot even begin to describe and we can spend an hour in silence - with nothing but our eyes drowning in the depths of the others.

I am excited to be his friend and when he is ready and the time is right I hope we can find a happy and loving partner in the other. More than anything i want him to feel safe, loved, cherished and admired.

Tomorrow my mother and I shall be going to Atlanta at 5 am for our appointments at the German Consulate in which we shall put in for new German passports. Since my roommates served with me in the Air Force and since they are still in I have been getting back in line with my military sleep schedule so waking up this early shall not be too much of a problem.

I have not gone to church in about three Sundays now. I just needed a break and the comments and jokes about gays and Obama were getting a little less innocent. I know you go to church for yourself and I want to go back I just felt conflicted with what I am developing with Mitchell and what I know about the church. I am hoping to go back this Sunday and moving to this part of town will not make that easy. I forwarded my address to members but not a soul has contacted me. 

I just feel a bit conflicted at the moment. I need to rebuild myself and get fully self-efficient. I need to repair the relationship I used to have with my mother (which should be easier now that I am not around her as much). I want to see if me and Mitchell can have something (my mom says probably not because he is at an age where people want to date around - but after thinking about it I think it is due to the fact he was in such a horrible relationship and with me being only the second guy on the scene it makes sense that he is so cautious... I will admit things went farther and faster with him than they should have. Nothing more than the area between PG-13 and R rated but faster than what we should have. So slowing things down and becoming friends who are kind of dating works for me.

I have never really had a relationship. So I am lost as to what to do. What to say. If I should write him or not. Should I get something for him or not. I am lost and just going on instinct. Do any of you have advice on what I should do? I just want to show him who I am and also to show him I am not his ex.  Maybe just focusing on the friendship part should be good for now I am sure - but how do you know when to take it up a level? I feel so daft right now with all of this.

Also - any advice on what I should do in regards to church? Maybe you can share some verses that you use when it is hard for you to go back?

Thank you guys in advance. I am excited to read all of what I have missed. 

I wish you all well!

Joshua

UPDATE: I don't think me and Mitchell will work out - he has changed a lot and we have grown more distant and ever formal with each other...

the 13th...

The number 13 has always been a special number for me:

1.) In my biological family I was the last - number 13.
2.) I was born at 4:36 AM - add the numbers: 13.
3.) Every time I fly my flight number or seat number has 13 in it or adds up to 13.

There are many other instances where this number has popped up but it has never been negative. So I have always looked forward to Friday the 13th.

Tonight I have the house to myself. Which is nice. In a few hours I will go out with a friend. Today has been nice and peaceful.

And to Evan: I have thought a lot about what you have had to say. I am thinking that Austin is the best city for me in Texas if I do return and my package for UT is almost done. I was thinking of sacrificing my Russian if I do go back to Texas and doing a Nursing program (always a guaranteed job with that).

I hope all is well with you all. Sorry this entry is so sparse but I am currently baby sitting three dogs... two of which think the run something. Enjoy your 13th and have a great Valentine's Day ( I have a date tomorrow). Take care -

Joshua

two roads diverged in a yellow wood...

Before me are several paths sprawling out and winding into a tree congested wood. As anyone who has followed this blog to any extant would know things have been bleak and sparse for me since I was discharged from the Air Force for homosexuality. Since then I have had to move three times - twice in Texas and once to Georgia. Since moving to Georgia the days have been (internally and externally) tumultuous at best.

My first weekend in my new ward I had met two gentlemen from the United Kingdom. We have all since became great friends. One of the friends has helped to bring some peace to me internally and socially. He has advised me on what to do with my finances and how to manage my current debt. And presented me with many good ideas that I am now acting on.

The ideas are thus: Obtain my German passport and my American Passport. Move to Europe. In Sweden the university system is free but after 2010 you need to be a European Union citizen hence the obtaining of my German passport. I need to take a four week class through Cambridge to get my CELTA which will qualify me to teach English to non-native speakers. With that I could work with BKC International House. Some of the benefits of working with BKC IH are

• Work visa and taxes paid by the School
  
• Monthly pay — from 1150 USD
  
• Airfare reimbursement
  
• End of contract accumulating bonus — up to 1125 USD
  
• Shared accommodation
  
• Paid holidays
  
• Discount on Russian classes, health care and insurance fund
  
  

Since the cost of living in Russia is modest as compared to the rest of Europe I would be able to save for an apartment or hostel in Sweden before I start school. The great thing about Sweden is most all business is conducted in English and the university classes are taught in English.

One friend said that I should think this through and that I will be 'taxed up the butt' over there. And no offense to that friend - but they cannot comment on anything or give advice one way or the other because they are not in the position I am in nor have they ever lived outside of the state of Texas. And I have thought well about this. I have researched and asked questions of the people in my ward who are either from Europe and or are visiting here from Europe as well as from those who have lived a substantial amount of time in Europe.

My friend David just finished his mission in Sweden and with the networking he can do people in the church can help me find the best place to stay and help me with job searching. But I want to have worked first to save up the money I would need for living the first few month until I can get established in the country. As far as taxes go I would pay them to the US. And yes when I work in Sweden I will be taxed but in return I have free and quality health care and efficient social services that are there if I need them.

For once I am really excited and I have something to shoot for. I have no car which makes working in the US a bit hard outside of a city like New York or San Fransisco. So another bonus to Europe is the transit system. Sure it will be a hard adjustment the first few months but I feel that in the end it will all pay off. The school I am shooting for is Gothenburg University but the way university works in Sweden is you apply to all schools at once and based on your skills and what you plan to study you are matched to the school. Besides before Sweden I hope to be teaching English for a year or two.

So what do you guys think? It is a gamble but one I feel a pulling to dice.

There is really nothing holding me here at the moment. I need to stand on my own again. I need to work again. I need to be able to see the world and meet new people and enjoy life. The job market here is not getting much better and in Europe and mainly Eastern Europe there is a shortage of English teachers (mainly in Russia) so there is a great service I can provide. English is the key to a young Russian being able to function in a world and to be a great asset to a company and their family. I feel a prompting for this. I will continue to think and pray and keep you guys updated... I am surrounded by great and motivating people and my mom and step-dad are giving great advice and guidance... things seem to be looking up and they have to.... I have been drifting since last October....

So, with two roads diverging in a yellow wood - should I take the one less traveled?

Hey guys...

Soooo sorry that I have not been on at all but there is a lot of things under construction right now in my life. I may be leaving the country for Europe this April (long story) and there are a ton of other things going on, some church related. As soon as I can I will sit down and write a decent blog. I can't wait to catch up on all of yours. Hope all is well! Josh...

Prayers for Bobby

I just finished the film and I still have tears in my eyes. It was such a beautiful and delicate film that echoed with where I was and in some ways still am. I watched it alone and my parents decided to watch something else but I am glad I did. I just want to thank everyone behind the making of this movie. I hope that somewhere out there a mother or father watched it and it helped them draw closer to their child. If you did not get to see it tonight on Lifetime please see one of the encore performances.

On a side note - it made me wish I could go to a gay friendly church where I don't have to lie or pretend just once. Is that bad?

And if you want to watch Prayers for Bobby online here is the link.

the chase...

If there is one great facet of life in Georgia it has to be living in the woods. I love running in them on the dirt paths that ebb and flow like pine needled rivers through the covenant of trees. My music blaring off my Zune into my ears as my legs pound the ground as I dart this way then that too escape the occasional reaching tendril of a branch. I love the play of lights that speckles here and spills there; the sudden up hill and the sharp turns. But most of all - I love the long walks I take with Emily.

We are both hunters, Emily and I. Just as she delights in my giving her chase to an unsuspecting squirrel - I delight in the inner hunt; for my prey is within me. I go to the woods to seek clarity. To escape from myself and to find myself. To discover. Maybe it is the Native American blood that is in me but nature recharges me. It calms whatever anger or depression is rooting in my heart.

In the woods I feel closer to God than I do in my current ward. He is more palatable here. There are no remarks about Obama and how he supports Civil Unions. There are no awkward questions about why I am not in a relationship. There are no screaming children. Just the timeless and enchanting quiet of the woods. Unjudging and all seeing. In my current ward I am adrift. Floating. In the woods I am grounded and I feel like an element in the reality of what is. When Emily and I walk in the woods we are a part of it. We are the moment. And God is in all things. There are no words needed. No ceremony. And yet - like the whispering of the wind through the towering branches - I receive what I have sought. I have no words to explain this or how it works.

The trees in themselves yield a lesson - they are all different. Great, small, twisting or straight. Some are still saplings others date from when the Cherokee made their home among them. There are so many types of trees and yet they all make up the greater majesty of the woods. They all add to the wonder. Just as we do to God. God is the majesty and splendor that is the woods and we are the individual trees.

I return home with my quarry. And I am fed for a week. Recharged.

Emily is equally satisfied. Though I never let her actually kill anything she scoots in the house, drinks water from her bowl and plops down in slumber satisfied from the chase. The chase. That is the wonder of it all really. That we seek happiness in finding but sometimes the chase itself can bring the joy and and answers we seek. Who would have thunk it? To learn such a lesson from a French dog.

we have come so far...